Curse you black ice!

Curse you black ice! Wasn’t long after my Valentine’s arrival in Boston, and next thing I know is I’m head over heels. Well, the man I love was with me, but love had nothing to do with it. Slammed flat out on the asphalt. My cane even flew from my hand. Jeff did his best. Wanted to take me to the ER, but I was not about to be lost in the system or become a “teaching experience” for a student. What a painful weekend. The worst was traveling back to NY on a packed train. Physically it was excruciating. Emotionally…I have never felt more alone. My spine and head were filled with searing pain. Had to keep quiet and try to contain the contortions. The ride was so sad because I knew there would be no one to meet me on the other end. There’s no support system here. No one to wait for me to arrive home and greet me with open arms. No one to tell me it’s going to be ok…. this just absolutely sucks.

As a child, I spent so much time alone or to the side. My dear sister had childhood leukemia. One vivid memory is sitting in the hospital waiting area, not far from the gift shop, where my parents would buy me a poster to color to keep me busy. It was the 70s, and I can still see the vivid markers that came in the pack, the raised “black velvet”, and the “fill in the white patches” on the glow in the dark unicorn and butterflies. At times I’d be there in the waiting area, all on my own. I could go to a place in my mind that shut everything out and not even notice the time. Now where did that gift go?

#chiari #invisibleillness