Why Put Off Surgery?

Why Put Off Surgery?

I could give so many reasons:

There’s just so much to do at work

President’s Day is coming up

Have tickets to these upcoming plays

The L train is down

My cat’s birthday is coming up

Honestly, I’m scared. I’m past scared, I’m petrified. My surgery won’t be just one, there’s at least two and they’re done over 2 days. The first is the one I have read the most about, which is the decompression for the chiari malformation. A part of my skull will be permanently removed to give my brain more room.

***Oh Lord, I just googled to get more detailed info to post and there is a youtube video of the procedure. Nope, won’t be clicking on that link.

Yes, I have too much brain. Yep, I have a fat head. Decompression surgery is supposed to give relief from the brain pressure, and allow for the CSF flow to get back to normal. There’s going to be some shaving involved. Say goodbye to the hair. Then there’s going to be staples…lots of staples in the back of my head.

I’m scared.

Second surgery is for the dorsally angulated odontoid process, and will be performed either hours or the next day later. The surgeon with go in through my nose with tiny drills to chisel out part of my C2 (the bone that my brain is impaling itself on). One doctor had previously informed me that I would be in traction for a week before the surgery and then they would go in though the back of my mouth. Traction!!!! Cutting my mouth open? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Um, no thanks, I’ll take the drills. Post drilling, they’ll take some bone from my hip, attach it in the vertebrae, and rods and pins put in place. My neck will never swivel from side to side again.

I’m even more scared.

So here’s the smack in the face with a cold fish. Reality, my friend… my enemy. These surgeries will only hopefully stop the progression, and there is a very good chance I will never regain what I have already lost. There’s also a chance I will need more in the future. My surgeon has been very frank with me and says anything we get back will be a bonus. As much as I am all for hope, I’m actually glad he didn’t sugar coat it. I’ve also seen a lot of posts about decompression surgeries that needed to be repeated, botched ones, symptoms returning and not knowing why, etc. Some people need only a few additional, others need 20+; and then others I’ve read die from complications and other reasons unknown. I know, I know…step away from the computer.

There’s going to be recovery time in a rehab facility. I’m going to be on my back for a while and need someone to help take care of me. There will be a lot of NCIS marathons.

Needless to say, I will put this off till I’m dragging my legs behind me. It could be months, a year, or it could be years if I’m truly lucky. Oh, if they could only find a cure before I get to this point. Please everyone understand, SURGERY IS NOT A CURE.

Still scared. Someone please make me laugh. I need it today.

#chiari #invisibleillness